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That is a picture of my dog. I like him more than most people.

After years of living in the savannah and chasing down antelopes to survive, Frank Vitale left his brother and sister lions behind and boarded a ship bound for the New World. He sailed the seas as a devilishly handsome pirate with a sharp tongue and a sharper cutlass before finally washing ashore on Cape Cod after a doomed raid on a rival vessel (actually just a few kids in a cheap raft). After drying himself off, Frank quickly created a train made of seashells and pine bark and powered by coyotes. After swiftly repelling another invasion attempt by the British, he rode out to Amherst, where he studies journalism and anthropology at the University of Massachusetts.

In 2028, Frank will be elected President of the United States under the Red Bull Moose Party. You will have voted for him.